I usually don’t write these types of “dear diary” blog posts, but this week calls for one.
I’m not sure if it’s because work has been super busy, or if it’s because I’ve gotten my yearly reminder that I’m getting old, or simply because I’m a Gemini woman, but I’ve been feeling very “off” lately. One moment I’m on top of the world, and the next I’m screaming into a pillow. And these aren’t just daily changes – sometimes hourly. (Imagine living with someone THAT emotionally unpredictable.)
A couple of things have been crossing my mind.
Am I good at my job? ALL of my jobs?
Wife – How good is a wife who comes home after 7 almost every night?
Mother (to our fish) – One look at his tank and you’d think I’m a cruel animal-hater.
Marketing Miscellaneous (my self-created title) – Most would say, yes. But sometimes they make me feel like I’m not.
Am I doing what makes me happy?
I suppose questioning the value (or lack of) that I bring to all of my jobs makes me also question if I’m really doing what makes me happy. Believe me, I love all my jobs. But when I start to feel like I’m not doing them well, I become demotivated.
This week, 3 different people have said, “I need to clone you” followed by a smile before hitting me with, “I need you to do this, this, and this.” I’m flattered they have so much confidence in me. But in reality, I’m only 1 person. There are only 24 hours in a day. And I’d like to sleep for at least 6 of them.
Why isn’t my best good enough?
Sometimes no matter how well I do things, either there’s always more to do, or I could have done it better. And although I pulled the sun, moon and stars together to get it done, I’m left feeling that my best still isn’t good enough.
Maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s me.
Then I start thinking, maybe it’s me being hard on me. Maybe I’m overreacting. Or maybe I’m reading people the wrong way. Maybe my best is good enough. The truth is: a lot of my insecurities (though they’re triggered by outside influences) tend to mutate in my mind – making things seem much worse than they really are.
Tonight, I finally told myself to calm the F down. I’m only human, and I can only do so much.
So to end a rough week and start (what I hope will be) a relaxing weekend, I leave you with this quote:
How do you get through your hard weeks? Other than with hard liquor? If you’ve ever felt like me, share some love in the comments below. If you’ve never felt this way, well then… you can’t be human.